My beta was negative. Again.
Perfect lining, perfect embryos, not-so-perfect result.
I am convinced something is going on that I have not been tested for. Perhaps an autoimmune response. With my history of unknown autoimmune disease, it makes sense to me. Call it women's intuition, but I can visualize my uterus bitch-slapping those poor, beautiful embryos to death.
Well, making lemonade of the situation, there are many things I use to help myself through BFNs:
1. I am now looking forward to losing more weight. I have lost 60 pounds since I was in the hospital 3 years ago, 25 of which have been in the past few months. I won The Biggest Loser at work, losing 18 pounds in the month of February. Despite my IVF cycle, I managed to lose almost 10 pounds this month, too!!! (That is what I am shooting for as soon as my menstrual bloating goes away.)
2. I am going to take charge and call another clinic today, one that boasts 60% success rates for patients under 35. I feel really good about moving forward in this fashion. A new set of eyes, a new philosophy, a new hope.
3. After a failed cycle, it makes me feel better to picture all of my babies coming out as teenagers. Not so cute.
4. I am going to enjoy some wine this weekend. Cheers!
5. I am going to get back to my husband. We are still so in love (more than when this started), and I am going to work on giving him more attention. I am so wrapped up in myself during the 2ww (a.k.a., Death March, as my friend KB so wonderfully puts it) that I forget about him. Isn't this all about us, anyway?
Good job on the weight loss. I told my husband that we're going to start our diet and exercising on Monday since it's been two weeks since my D&C. And yet I'm eating McDonald's this morning.....
ReplyDeleteYour weight loss accomplishments are really amazing...especially considering you lost some of it while still doing IVF. I know it's not worth anything, but I'm really proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI feel really good about your plan to check out that other clinic, too. I think that's an excellent decision! I'm interested to find out what their plan will be for you and I hope it's 10 steps in the right direction.
Unicorn farts to you!